Sundays for Women Who Hate Football: Apple Butterscotch Bars

Are You Ready For Some Football?

If you're like me, you're never ready for football. There's something unappealing about overpaid men acting like high-school students chasing each other around a field while wearing tight, shiny pants. Maybe it's the sanctioned violence that seems to pass for religion every Sunday, maybe it's the drunken fans screaming in the stadiums and waving their towels, or maybe it's the fact that the NFL profits off of turning people into wide-eyed consumer zombies.

I do enjoy the football season, if not for the sport. It means that autumn is around the corner, and my fiancé will be parked in front of the Almighty Aquos where, unbeknownst to him, he will be my "new fall recipe" guinea pig.

Football Sundays are the perfect day to spend some quality time with your kitchen, undisturbed. I don't mean hot wings, nachos and fried cheese, but hearty roasts, creamy casseroles, bubbling sauces, and fresh-baked goodies.

Apple Butterscotch Bars

This Sunday, I'm trying a new recipe. I'm not the best baker in the world, so I'm starting off this season with a simple recipe with few ingredients, but that will fill your home with a sweet, tantalizing aroma and will provide you with chewy, oozing apple butter and butterscotch goodness.

Ingredients

1 1/2 cup self-rising flour
1 1/2 cup old-fashioned oats
1/2 white sugar
2/3 cup brown sugar, packed
1 cup (2 standard sticks) butter, softened
2/3 cup apple butter
1 11-oz package butterscotch chips

Directions

1) Preheat your oven to 375 F. Grease a 9 x 9 square pan. I made mine in a round pan without consequence, which makes these more or less "slices" than "bars."
2) Mix your flour, oats and sugars in a large bowl, then cut the butter into the mixture until it's good and crumbly. Reserve about 3/4 of a cup of this mixture, then press the remaining into the pan.
3) Spread the mixture with your apple butter. I used a tiny bit more than the 2/3 cup, because it didn't seem like quite enough. And, I have a thing for apple butter.
4) Crumble the remaining flour mixture on top of the apple butter.
5) Spread the entire bag of butterscotch chips over the top. This alone will form it's own delicious, sweet layer.
6) Bake for about 30 to 35 minutes, until the edges are a little bubbly with apple butter and the crumble is a golden brown.
7) Allow to cool completely before serving, and enjoy!

Tips and Tricks

The original recipe called for chopped cashews to be included in the crumble for the top. I, however, hate nuts with a passion and never include them in my recipes. If you are interested in adding that extra crunch, add 1/4 cup of cashews in with the topping.

The butterscotch chips won't melt, so don't visually judge the doneness of these bars by whether or not they look melty. Instead, just look for golden-brown crumb topping peeking through, and the edges bubble a little bit with apple butter.

Don't confuse "apple butter" with "apple jelly." I'm sure there aren't many people who would do that, but I felt it necessary to mention. Apple butter is more of a sauce, made with real apples, cinnamon, and cloves, that's dark and rich with flavor, whereas apple jelly is a clear yellow jelly made with mostly corn syrup. It will be cheaper, but it certainly won't provide you with the proper texture and flavor.

Try this with cinnamon chips or caramel chips, too! You can also try new fillings, if you desire. I'll be trying this recipe with a pumpkin filling next.

Enjoy!

One of My Favorite Websites: ThriftyFun.com

Can I use roofing nails to hang a Picasso print? What's the best way to get coffee stains off of a white dog? Which makes a better mulch for my tomato plants: Cow shit, or the Bible? Does anyone have a pattern for a knitted cover for my grandmother's colostomy bag?

Believe it or not, your parents don't have all the answers to your housekeeping needs. But a stranger in Montana might.

Visit. Bookmark. Love.

My love of fungus had led me to what would no doubt be one of my favorite websites. I was trying to figure out how to freeze the excess mushrooms I purchased when they were buy one, get one free at my local grocery store when I stumbled upon ThriftyFun.com.

I immediately found what I was looking for, and thought nothing else of it. Then I Googled something else, and was eventually led back to the same website. A few times.

A Veritable Gold Mine

ThriftyFun.com is not a pretty website. It's layout leaves much to be desired, as they try to cram in as much information as possible on the first page. But the lack of aesthetics, much like the cover of a book, hides something shimmering and beautiful within its pages: The answers to all your questions.

Up and running since 1997, ThriftyFun.com relies on users to provide its wealth of content, encouraging questions to be asked and answered in a free and friendly environment. Nearly any topic of interest related to the home is covered: Thrifty living and bargain shopping; laundry, stain removal and other cleaning tips; recipes; cooking and storing food; gardening; crafts, including sewing, crocheting and knitting; home improvement; beauty tips; and pet care.

I now know how Ponce de Leon felt when he discovered the beauty and promise of Florida's tropical paradise. Only, instead of the mythical Fountain of Youth and grapefruits, I have found something even better without ever leaving my home.

Peer Pressure

I encourage you to sign up for this free website. It's like getting a free ride to Housekeeping University. Isn't that what we all want, in the end?

I am username LilSiouxsieHomemaker, and I'll be glad to help you freeze all those vegetables you bought that you realized you didn't need.

By the way, to freeze mushrooms, you need to blanche them first so they are just cooked. Spread them evenly on a cookie sheet and freeze until they just turn solid so they don't clump up and freeze together in your Ziplock, then bag n' tag. I save the water I use to cook them in and use it as a base for broth and soup. It's amazing.

Tupperware Stains: The Bane of My Existence

You Say Tomato...

Okay, so the title of this blog is going a little overboard. It's not like I go to bed at night with my face streaked with tears wondering why they can't make revolutionary Tupperware that resists even the strongest of tomato sauces, but I do get extremely frustrated when all my glasses and plates are sparkling clean while my plastic food containers look like I just picked them out of the garbage.

I've been doing my dishes by hand ever since my dishwasher broke (apparently, it gets hot enough to melt the plastic water jet shut, which of course is counter-productive), and it puts me up close and personal with blotchy Tupperware that, regardless of how long I scrub, never looks clean. Which of course convinces me that it isn't clean. So, I did what every other beginner-housewife would do: I Googled it.

LycoPain In The Ass

The stains are caused by lycopene, the chemical that gives tomatoes their juicy red hue. Unfortunately, this translates to rust-colored stains on your plastic containers. I won't get into the advanced chemistry of lycopene, partially because it's boring and partially because I don't understand it, but I will say that it is very clingy and bonds to nearly everything (the website made mention of an abundance of electrons and double bonds). Hence, its powerful ability to stain. The more concentrated your tomato product (for instance, ketchup versus a can of diced tomatoes), the more lycopene it has, and the more likely it will be to stain your beautiful Tupperware.

But look on the bright side. Lycopene is a powerful antioxidant, so if you're staining Tupperware, at least you know you're getting a good lot of it.

What To Do, What To Do

I haven't tried any of the following remedies, as I just discovered them myself, so I make no claims in regard to their effectiveness. However, I can assure you that I will try many if not all of them, and will report back (eventually) to tell you which one I found most effective. I'm sharing them all here so you can give them a try, too.

Lemon Juice. Add a squirt of lemon juice to warm water and use a clean cloth to scrub at the stains. Also, you can apply a half of a lemon (or a wedge, or a slice from your martini garnish) directly to the stain.

Salt. Use a little bit of salt on a clean, moist cloth and scrub at the stains. The salt works as a mild abrasive with little chance of it scratching your plastic container. I don't really care about scratches, because I generally eat leftovers out of mine and I'm sure my fork does enough scratching.

Bleach. Soak the Tupperware in bleach to kill the lycopene. I personally am not very comfortable with this, as I reserve my use of bleach for the bathroom and it would seem like I'm cross-contaminating my "incomings" with my "outgoings."

Sunlight - The Natural Alternative to Bleach. Leave your food container in the sun for a few hours to break up the stain. This wouldn't work too well for nocturnal housewives like us, for two reasons: There's no sun at night, and ew... we might get a tan if we decided to keep our Tupperware company.

Tang - Not Just for Astronauts. Put one scoop of Tang powder into the container with very hot tap water, and let it sit. Helpful if you have so much Tang you don't know what to do with it all. Maybe you can even drink it once it cools off, so your Tang doesn't die in vain.

Be Brave, Betty Crocker

If you have any tips, or have tried any of the remedies mentioned above, leave a comment and help out your disgruntled sisters.

Real Soup, Fake Recipe

Everyone Loves Soup

I don't like to go out to dinner. The pleasure of having someone cook, serve and clean without me ever having to peek into a kitchen is greatly overshadowed by my fear of how the food is prepared and by whom. It's actually quite fortuitous that I have this preference, because we save a lot of money in our entertainment fund.

I do have a problem, though. I love soup, and I don't mean that aluminum-flavored, over-salted mess that comes in a can (even worse if it's the kind you have to add water to). My real problem is that I don't make soup a lot, and when I do, it's just a conglomeration of whatever is in my freezer that I need to get rid of. If I want decent soup, I have to go to a restaurant and just pretend it isn't coming from a can or a bucket.

And then I discovered "copy-cat recipes." Yes, I'm sure I'm decades behind the trend of the copy-cat recipe, which brings the flavors of our favorite restaurants home, but I'm still pretty new to this "caring about cooking" business, so I'll jump that sinking ship.

Olive Garden's Zuppa Toscana, but I call the copy-cat "Suppa Tuscana"

The Olive Garden makes my favorite soup of all time, the Zuppa Toscana, a creamy and spicy blend of sausage, potatoes, bacon... and now I'm drooling. So here's the recipe.

1 lb spicy Italian sausage
1/2 lb smoked bacon, chopped
1 qt water
(2) 14.5 oz cans chicken broth
2 large russet potatoes, sliced (cleaned, with skin on)
2 garlic cloves, chopped
1 medium onion, chopped
2 cups chopped kale or Swiss chard
1 cup heavy whipping cream
salt and pepper to taste

1) In a skillet over medium-high heat, brown your sausage, making sure it ends up pretty crumbly. Drain it and set it aside.
2) Brown the chopped bacon over medium-high heat, also; drain it, and set it aside.
3) Place the water, broth, potatoes, garlic and onionin a pot, and simmer over medium heat until the potatoes are tender.
4) Add the sausage and bacon to the pot, and simmer for 10 minutes.
5) Add the kale and cream to the pot, season to your liking with the salt and pepper, then serve after heated through. Serve and enjoy!

What I did

I had trouble with the sausage, because apparently the only spicy Italian sausage that is sold in bulk at my local grocery store is colored with paprika, and the last thing I wanted was red Suppa Tuscana. I ended up buying a two and a half pound package of sausage links that were spicy but didn't include paprika. After guessing how many sausages would be in one pound, I sliced them open, ripped off the relatively disconcerting intestinal casing, and made do.

Also, my grocery store doesn't have Swiss chard. Or kale. That irritated me, because I'm fairly certain that kale has magical properties. Okay, maybe not, but it does make me happy. So, I ended up using spinach, which I put into the soup right before serving it so it didn't end up so wilted it was unrecognizable.

The original copy-cat recipe called for cubed potatoes, but the last time I had the real Zuppa Toscana, it had sliced potatoes. So, I changed that. And I used three potatoes, because the ones I got a hold of were pretty small.

After spicing it liberally, I was seriously surprised at how perfect this recipe turned out. My fiancé was very pleased with his dinner, and what will be his lunch tomorrow, and I ate so many bowls that I was afraid to burp lest it end up on my shirt.

Don't fear the soup

This very simple recipe has sort of elevated my interest in soup from "casual observer" to "obsessed practitioner." I feel more encouraged to try other soups now, which is helpful because my recipe book is bursting with soups I want to try but didn't have the motivation to make. I feel encouraged to make them now.

One more soup I don't have to leave the house for...

Reinventing the Housewife

Feminist scholars and June Cleaver agree: Housework will never go away.

Thanks to advances made by our foremothers who fought the good feminist fight to equalize women in this country, we are free from the shackles of most expectations: No longer encouraged to stay home and keep house, women are given just as much opportunity as men to get an education, seek gainful employment, earn their own income and live independent of any financial caretaker.

In the 1950s, women primarily stayed home where they scrubbed dishes, washed clothes, vacuumed floors, made beds, dusted, washed windows, and cooked dinner. Today, women with full- or part-time jobs still primarily scrub dishes, wash clothes, vacuum floors, make beds, dust, wash windows and cook dinner.

Hypothetically, women can be financially free. But realistically, we're still shackled by the social expectations that come with being the "weaker sex," a hidden (or not so hidden) undercurrent that still ripples through the subconscious of our society. Whether we do it to ourselves by being the first in the kitchen after dinner preparing a sink full of hot, soapy water, or whether it is done to us by husbands who settle into the butt-groove they've formed in the couch over the years, it is still being done to us.

Which leads one to ask, "Is there such thing as women's work?"

A nest built of genes

For nine months, prehistoric woman grew fat and unwieldy before painfully bringing forth a tiny, weak person into the world. This tiny infant, during most of its waking hours, would attach itself to the woman's breast, sometimes for years. It needed to be coddled to sleep, and it needed to be guarded constantly as it lacked any means of self-defense. Growing at a slow pace, this infant would need to be taken care of for over a decade before it could reasonably survive on its own. Obviously, this is time-consuming business for a woman, prehistoric or modern. It would then make sense that the woman would stay in one central location, making a comfortable place for her to raise her child.

Man, free of the symptoms of pregnancy and the task of breastfeeding, was more capable of leaving the domicile to gather food. You can draw your own parallels between then and now.

There is nothing inherently wrong with this set-up. In fact, had this prehistoric "Leave it to Beaver" never been acted out, life as we know it might cease to exist. Quite simply, this just worked.

The institution of money and capital made the idea of working outside of the home a lucrative business, and slowly "women's work" became seen as something negative simply because it didn't bring in income. With a narrow mind, the women's rights movement focused on equalizing women with men in a masculine world, which not only said, "We are strong enough to do what you do," but also said, "We are too weak to fight against your paradigm."

It's really not oppressing me, I promise

Women can be whatever they want to be these days. We are thankfully given the choice to compete in a man's world if we want to, and it is in the great victory of choice that we are free from oppression: We are not forced to do anything.

However, despite all the victories and all the advances, one truth still remains: Dishes will get dirty, clothes will need laundered, floors will need vacuumed, beds will need to be made, furniture will need to be dusted, windows will need to be washed and dinner will need to be cooked. And women will still do it.

Yes, there is still such a thing as a women's work, and the term "Housewife" needs to stop being a taboo whispered about in knitting circles held in dark alleys far from sensitive politically-correct ears. Regardless of the name you give it, housework is a necessity and it's here to stay. Let's at least have some fun with it!